It was funny to hear the rumblings in the office as February 14th rolled closer and closer. The people with significant others were often looking for advice on what to shop for, what to do for that special night, or just needed help in every aspect. Inside and outside the office, I could feel the mounting tension of the entire island of Manhattan. The feeling wasn’t the same for me this year either. I’m obviously in a different place than last year (I was in a relationship last year and this year I am not, plain and simple), but the singledom wasn’t what seemed different. It’s like my mood around the holiday suddenly became neutral, like I wasn’t even effected by the fact that on the most “romantic” day of the year, I could care less. I even laughed as I typed that, but it was so true.
I felt indifferent to the whole celebration. Indifferent to the red and pink hues everywhere. Indifferent to all the couples I watched stumble down the street and into the subway after my celebration of Valentine’s Day. I just laughed, muttered “look at these schmucks” a couple of times to myself, and carried on without a second thought. I hope this doesn’t make me a bitter old man because I actually like the whole Valentine’s Day thing. I don’t know if I agree with the monetization of the day or the expectations of romance every February 14th, but I like the idea of a day spent with a person you love. I don’t want to celebrate the holiday any more. I would rather it be a Tuesday in May when the birds are chirping and the sun is shining. Why not be romantic that day? Or why not be romantic on a beach in the summertime? Or why not cook a meal for that special lady on Friday night after a hard week’s work? That’s what I like to think of, but these are the words of a helpless romantic, and someone who could give two #2’s about Vday 2011. Read more…
I know this is debatable, but Im not hear to listen to your quibbling. I understand that Ralphy from “A Christmas Story” gave us plenty of gems like coming down the stairs in the pink bunny outfit or when he said “fudge” (not really fudge) when helping his father change the flat tire and losing the lug nuts. I also understand that the Griswold’s frying cats and Clark’s excitement when he finally gets the lights to come on are moments that will live on forever. BUT, this moment, for me, is it folks.
I watch “A Christmas Story” at least 3-4 times on Christmas day thanks to it running 24 hours on TNT (THANKS, you guys are geniuses). But every time I watch ELF, it climbs closer to that number one spot. I have been watching for only 20 minutes now and I feel like I cannot stop smiling.
Come on, with lines like “Im just a cotton-headed ninny muggins” or “SANTA!!! OH MY GOD!! I KNOW HIM!!!” “you sit on a throne of lies” or “It’s just nice to meet another human who shares my affinity for elf culture” how can you not love this flick? If you watch this an dont laugh; 1) you may not have a sense of humor and, 2) you may need to reread number 1.
Excerpt from my bus ride ramblings:
One year for Christmas my brother and I asked for a Nintendo. The original Nintendo, that’s how long ago this was. On Christmas Brandon and I were greeted with said Nintendo. We played Super Mario Bros all damn day and night and into next morning. Delirious from lack of sleep and with thumbs swollen from too much button pushing, we wearily fell asleep. The next morning, December 26th, a little more than 24 hours since we had acquired our amazing gaming system, we found out that our Nintendo was gone. GONE! No not stolen during the 3 hours of sleep we might have had, but taken away. Apparently a woman that liked my father had bought the Nintendo to impress him and win us over. Sometime during those 24 hours when we were playing our little hearts out, she decided she had made a mistake in giving the game to us. The beach came over and took it from us. She said it wasn’t working out with dad and took our F@ck!n& Nintendo!! WHO DOES THAT? WHOOOOO does that to little kids?!!?
I hope you are reading this Nintendo Indian-giver lady and I hope you are ashamed. Think about how scarred I am from this to have it come up 20 years later in my life and in multiple drunken conversations when I told my friends AND complete strangers about what a beach you are. The laughing that ensued echoes in my mind forever. Im glad people could find satisfaction in my pain, the pain you caused me. I don’t know your name, but I wish I did so I could do the same to you.
I would plan to meet you in the grocery store as we both reached for a bottle of Women’s One-a-Day or Centrum Silver. We would share a small awkward laugh and sheepishly I would allow you to take the bottle. I would explain that I was getting the bottle for my mom and then tell you that there is no way that bottle is for you because you don’t look a day over 40. You giggle and blush using your liver spotted hands to cover your dentures. This gets your blood pumping a little harder as you think, “could he really be complimenting me? Is he hitting on me?” I’ll do you one better lady, I’ll even ask you out for a coffee. The coffee would lead to witty banter on my part and you would look like a deer in the headlights as you marveled over the fact that a strapping young man could want anything to do with an old bag like you. To take it even further, I would pull a page from the Will Ferrell Classic Anchorman. I would take you out for a nice seafood dinner, then NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN! I look forward to our chance encounter in the pharmaceutical aisle. I’ll grab the Boniva, you grab the Metamucil and we’ll hang out, I swear. Ill call you, promise…
There are no spoilers in this review.
I went into this movie not expecting much, but hoping that it would live up to Will Ferrell’s previous film successes. This was no Old School, but needless to say I teared up on several occasions from the outrageous ramblings and events of this movie. Ill go ahead and claim this as another Adam McKay hit, writer of Anchorman.
The story is about two desk jockey cops that are unexpectedly thrust into the lime light after a series of bazaar events shocks the New York Police Department. Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell) a mild-mannered accountant who is forever running from his past, but is married to an out-of-his-league Allstar played by Eva Mendez. Terry Hoitz (Mark Walberg) is a true jock cop that had been previously assigned to detective work until one fatal mistake landed him a lifetime desk job. An easy role for Marky to fall into. These two characters are absolute opposites in the movie and play well as a protagonist tandem. Allen Gamble is content being in the background and handling the “real” police duty, paperwork while boisterous Terry Hoitz is a “peacock who just wants to fly.”
Without giving anything away, the action is outrageous, but the dialogue is what really makes this movie memorable. Hoitz’s quips are often scene-stealers as he rattles off degrading comment after slanderous slurr to Gamble. Gamble’s rants, reminiscent of some of Will Ferrell’s Funny or Die sketches, are gut wrenching at times and I found myself wiping my eyes throughout the film.
Scenes to watch out for:
the Tuna v. Lion tirade
Allen Gamble’s alter-ego, Gator, makes his appearances
The funeral scene
These couple of scenes are so off the wall and unexpected that it gives the movie somewhat of a Family Guy feel. You know, that unexpected flashback that has nothing to do with anything, but has everything to do with something kind of thing. And the neverending stretch of a joke that seems to never end thing. Yeah, if you watch Family guy, you know what Im talking about.
All in all, the entire Squan lifeguard crew agrees that this is a must see for those that like the comedic stylings of Adam McKay and Will Ferrell. Don’t go into this putting the movie on a pedestal, go in expecting a laugh and some outrageous surprises. With this in mind, I’m positive you will leave the theater bloated on pretzel bites and nacho cheese, oh and talking about this movie the entire way home.
A funny random fact that no one knows unless you were in NYC last Oct for the Broadway Bomb….
This is the Will Ferrell movie they were filming in Wall Street near the Bull when we were finishing the race. If you look in the background as they are trying to talk a man off the ledge, you can see skaters finishing the race. Pretty interesting to those of us that skate NYC on the reg.