Posts Tagged ‘bacon’

I’ve been cheating…

January 19, 2011 1 comment

this is my mistress, I'm sorry.

I’ve been cheating…on bacon! I’ve been cheating on bacon with its faux fowl cousin, turkey bacon. It doesn’t even deserve to have the same name as real bacon. It might as well be spelled with a “K” like when crab is fake; krab. Turkey Bakon is how I should spell it from this moment forward so that it knows it’s inferior in the eyes of the world.

Why would I even do this? I truly LOVE real bacon! I haven’t cheated since high school and I swore I wouldn’t do it again, but here I am. I’m so in love with bacon that I have it several times a week in many different forms, but recently on sandwiches or at Diana’s with the “special” after a night of partying. Crispy, waffle house, pork, fatty bacony yum yum. Why would I ever stray!?! BUT I have been noticing that many of the sandwiches I order in NYC have turkey bakon on it, not the real deal. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!? I just came to this realization at this very moment and needed to express my dismay at catching myself cheating. With greasy turkey bakon fingers I type this; first, as a confession of my indiscretions and second, as a resolution that turkey bakon will not cross my lips again unless it is force-fed to me. Read more…


tucson to “did” list

Alright so I was souper (I just think it should be spelled like that. Its more lively and fun. Its boring spelled as “super”) ambitious with my “to do” list going into my week of fun in TuSun. Below is my original list with indicators on what I accomplished, some notes on the particular item, and other general insights.

I present to you my to did list for tucson:

Have multiple Capt and Cokes with Mr Bennett (been a long time coming)
– this went down within mere minutes of us making it to Brandon’s house. The result: four hours in and around the vicinity of the pool starting at high noon.

Rockin my shades

Hold my first conversation with Chaz
– It took a little while for him to warm up, but when he did, we were talking all day long. My favorite phrase for the week happened when I was sitting by the pool on the phone and abruptly get squirted by the little ginger monster’s squirt gun. As I was about to yell “NO”, he screams, “NOODLES….and CHEETHE (slight lisp)…AND MUSTARD!!” what!?! I could never yell after a random smattering of words like that. I think he takes after me.

Give hugs to the whole family, then force them to drink beers
– If you read any of the previous blogs you will know this was pretty much what we did all day. Read more…

college is a joke

June 3, 2010 2 comments

Today was laughable to say it best. Unfortunately I paid almost $400 to listen to our professor talk about Koko the gorilla who knows 200 words in sign language, we guessed cigarette brands (I named off Benson & Hedges since its the Rolls Royce of cigs and Gma Bacon smokes em), and generally didnt talk much finance.

It was increasing frustrating as the class went on and then I realized that none of my team decided to show up either. This means that Carlos is out of the course, Sharon is out of the course and Val is mostly likely out of the course. That means I am a one man wolfpack and not in a good way, that’s a “Hangover” reference. If this were to hold true and I had to do all the “team” work by myself, then I would be screwed. 20 minute presentation on the financial situation of Starbucks and a 5 page paper explaining the presentation. Not that I couldnt do this, but I definitely dont want to. Luckily I convinced our teacher to place me in another group so that I wouldnt have to go it alone. that is really the only thing that I got out of class besides being called a “better looking Dane Cook.” Is that a compliment? Is he even good looking? I like the whole Johnny Knoxville thing better I think.

tucson to-do list

Have multiple Capt and Cokes with Mr Bennett (been a long time coming)
Hold my first conversation with Chaz
Give hugs to the whole family, then force them to drink beers
Embarrass Kenzi at her graduation AND in front of her friends AND at her grad party
Be that wasted guy at some point during the week
Not get sun burnt
Get Terri so hammered she falls in the pool
Lay out under the stars
Skate the best pavement I can find
Get Grandma Bacon a beer
Watch the planes take off from base again
Visit base and my old squadron
Continue my workout regimen

Play catch-up with:
Hathorn before he deploys on Monday
Stacey and crazy Nicole (no you cant sleep in my bed again!!)
Queensbury and his fam
Doyle, Mel and their kids
Young Albert Levin
Everyone else that still likes to party

Eat at the following places:
MacMahons for buttery prime rib
In-N-Out Double Double with Cheese (x3)
Whataburger sausage gravy biscuits for my hangover
Any dirty burrito joint I can find
Frog N Firkin for a real deep dish slice and an Apricot Ale on tap

Visit these bars:
The Cow Pony (with no fights this time or breaking tables with guy’s faces)
Anything on 4th

Pee in Bennett’s pool

career day recap

Dad and I got to Thomas Johnson Middle School in Frederick MD today around noon where we were treated to deli subs, fresh salad and a delightful potato salad (I say delightful bc it had bacon in it and who out there doesn’t LOVE bacon? If you do not, quit reading my blog baconhater!). As we ate and conversed many other people from all types of career fields checked in. There were attorneys, theater workers (like production, not cinema), scientists, and a pilot from the greatest Air Force the world has ever known. I didn’t get to talk to him because the scientist was babbling on about monkey HIV and platelettes and blah blah blah. He seemed like a really good guy but I turned him off at “monkey HIV.” I hope he doesn’t use that shpeel to get chicks because there is just something about simian AIDS that might turn off a woman. Just saying.

Once again, I was allotted an entire classroom for 30 minutes apiece for three periods. No real-time to set up which will be in my critique, but we dove right in and made it work. I gave them my background: born in a blizzard in 1980, received a police escort even before I was born (they knew what was coming…ME!), lived in MD for 20 years, joined the USAF on 9/11, spent 6 years flying on airplanes, 2 tours in Afghanistan, out in Sept 2007, joined up with Bustin Boards officially, now back in school. I thought that about covered it minus all the partying, women and rock and roll (minus the women and rock and roll too) Read more…