No this isn’t a list of my favorite songs or songs that make me think of the Large Apple. It’s just an explanation of what I have thought about so many times, but never written about. Have you ever thought about the soundtrack to your life? If you could choose the music, what would it be? How loud it is pumping and is this music only for your ears or all of the world to enjoy?
I don’t know what the arrangement would be for the music to my life, but I know it would be loud and inspiring. As I stepped out of the office today and strutted my happy ass back home, I couldn’t help but think about the awesome day it had been. To this note, I put on an appropriate jam from “A Day to Remember” and played out my own music video while staring at the NYC buildings clawing at the sky. A huge, cheesing grin draped across my face, just playing this all out in my mind.
This thought brought me back to the feeling I get when I pop on the headphones and skate NYC. There is nothing like pushing to the music that shapes your life as you duck red lights, flow on open concrete, and dodge those yellow monstrosities. On a sunny day in the spring or fall, there are not many places in the world that I would rather be than penning the soundtrack to my life on the asphalt pad of the greatest city on the planet. Read more…
One of today’s events was the culmination of nearly four years of work, many thousands of hours of networking, and many people not fully understanding what I was trying to do. (I can’t take all the credit, I can only say I had a dream and that through connections, it is coming true) Today’s event was simple; get Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America to partner with my friends at Adaptive Action Sports. Well, it finally happened in the form of an all veteran’s snowboard camp being hosted by AAS in Copper Mountain, Colorado.
IAVA uses a reward’s site called the Rucksack to give veterans opportunities that most people could never dream of. These opportunities are given by our gracious sponsors in the hopes that they are showing support to veterans how fought for their country. If you read my ramblings, you know that I have been the recipient of many amazing good times, from doing a stint as a Joseph Abboud model, to sideline/box tickets to an NY Giants game, Yankees playoff tickets, and IAVA’s Heroes Gala. Others have won trips to Vegas and even to the Super Bowl. But today, we offered up three all expense paid trips to AAS’s Learn to Ride pipeline event in CO. This event is made possible by Disabled Sports USA, United States of America Snowboarding Association, and Challenged Athletes Foundation with AAS hosting. This pipeline camp is designed as a feeder for AAS’s ultimate goal of having America sweep the podiums in snowboarding at the 2014 Paralympics in Sochi, Russia (I have my fingers crossed that I am making this trip as well!). Read more…
I couldn’t decide on a title. They both apply, you’ll see why. I’m channeling right now. Let it happen.
Today is the great Dr. Seuss’s birthday. Today he would have been the ripe ole age of 107. That’s a long ass time to live.
I remember having his books read to me back in the day and loving how they transported me into another world outside of my own. I’ve always loved a whimsical story, something that let’s the imagination fly off the charts and into new territories. I honestly think that he may have influenced how I write today and how I tell stories. It’s funny for me to think about this, but it had to come from somewhere.
“Green Eggs and Ham.” Who doesn’t know this book? Who doesn’t love this book (at least for sentimental value)? I actually reread “Green Eggs and Ham” a couple of months back in a friend’s house as we cleaned out part of her loft. I happened upon the book and decided is was time for a break. A break for a Doctor named Seuss. I could not help but laugh at his genius and as I flipped through the pages, I felt that feeling of imagination once again. It was absolutely what I needed at the time. I could probably use a dose today. Read more…
I love rollercoasters more than I can explain as evidenced by my riding Kingda Ka this summer. I love/hate/embrace the feeling as you hang over the edge, looking down at the drop and preparing for free fall. This is all well and good when you’re expecting it, when you put yourself in that situation to feel like this, but when it comes at you from some angle you didn’t expect, that feeling of excitement is lost and replaced by something else.
How is it that our highest highs make us feel like nothing can touch us, like there is no way to come off of that ninth cloud, but then it evaporates, suddenly, unexpectedly and we come crashing down, falling to new lows? When you’re on top of the world, there is nothing like a swift kick in the reality nuts for you to check yourself. The wind in my sails. I had this, I had someone who gave me this, but through no fault of my own or hers, it dissipated. No wind, it’s too calm to sail on. The phrase “we’re dead in the water” comes to mind and it makes me wonder how to get things moving again. If I blow hard enough can I fill those sails? Nah Ill just get light-headed and need to sit down.
High highs, lowest of lows. Apparently depression runs in my family, but I choose not to admit that there are shades of it in me. I know this is me once again fearful of the truth. The diagnosis isnt favorable so why admit it until the doc confirms. I definitely need to continue with the VA, though I have avoided returning the phone call for a second straight week. I’m not quite sure why i do this to myself, why I allow myself such massive mood swings and put on fronts for those around me, why I front for myself. Is that even possible? Either way, I do. It only takes a second for this shift, but it takes hours even days to find my way back to level ground. I block a lot of this out, but when it comes time to sleep I can’t avoid it anymore. My mind just runs and runs, which is strange because as soon as I do fall into sleep, it all stops. That is unless the nightmares come. I just don’t get how my mind works and it frustrates me to no end, not being in control. Thoughts screaming through synapses and firing on all cylinders. Thoughts of everyone, everything, nothing, and no one all in the same firing. I feel so good as the sun shines on my day, but at night I feel a million miles from safety and am left alone once again.
No wind to carry on, nothing to fill my sails. This troubles me as I have had one of the best weeks of my life and yesterday could not have been more meaningful to me, but here I am putting these words to the proverbial paper. Here I am down here, shouting up but no one can hear. It’s that empty feeling inside like I havent eaten mixed with my heart trying to break free from my chest. Amazing what a picture can do, amazing how a few words can make you feel. Yet none of these brings back that wind in my sails. So here I drift dead in the water.
Retract your minds from the gutter please. Titles are made to grab your attention and pull readers in to the story about to be told. Read on, I promise its not what you originally thought (filthy people!). So I know the title may sound like Im a teenage boy with sticky sheets, but I assure you this is not the case.
For the past few years I have been sleeping each night and waking with no recollection of dreaming. The only nights I was positive I dreamed were when I was plagued by nightmares. Even then I didnt always remember but Shawna had told me several times that she was awakened by me fighting in my sleep. Sometimes I wake up with the sweats, other times I dont know where I am and it takes a few seconds for me to orient myself. Still other times it literally feels like I have just worked out or gotten in a fight I am so tense. This has been the norm for me and I fight off the demons in my head many nights. I do all this without ever seeking out someone to talk to. Over the past 12 months the nightmares have progressively gotten worse and have escalated when Im being startled awake. It sometimes took minutes for me to calm down and realize where I was. This truly had me alarmed and I was worried that I would do something in my sleep to harm myself or worse Shawna and not even realize it.
Deeply worried that this was spiraling out of my control I finally went to the VA for help a couple weeks ago. Better late than never right? Is four years too long to wait? I would think so, but I just didnt want to have confirmed what I already knew. I canceled my appointment with the VA twice in the months leading up to this post, but after sleeping at Shawna’s for the last time, I knew something had to give. This instance is just a reference to the fact that I have an extremely hard time sleeping in places that I am not familiar with. She had just moved to a new apartment so everything was new to me including her sheets, bed, and even the pillows. I dont expect you to understand, but this had me worried all day though I tried not to show it. Going to bed that night, I knew there was no sleep to be had. I heard her start to breathe heavier and drift off while I starred through the ceiling and wished that I was somewhere else. Not because of her, I always love being near her, but because of the situation I had placed myself in. I figured that her place cant become familiar until I hang around, but I knew what I was in for as I laid there that night. It turned out to be one of the longest nights in recent memory and even when I did finally find minutes of relaxation I forced myself awake for fear that something was going to happen. Crazy? I dont think its that, but I knew something was there and I was tired of it consuming me. Read more…
Mark my words!
I have been telling my friends since the first Transformers that I would find a way into the movie series. I missed my chance when they filmed at my base in Tucson at Davis-Monthan AFB and I missed out in LA. Well guess what? Here’s my chance!!!! (From a website that I will not reveal so as I have a better chance of making it into the movie as “some near 30s guy screaming like a prepubescent girl” or that “dude eating a sandwich while shit gets blown up #1” than you do.) Read more…