Home > Food for Thought > “laughing out loud?” Well as a man, I’m not and you shouldn’t be either

“laughing out loud?” Well as a man, I’m not and you shouldn’t be either

If you read my ramblings than you may know how much I despise the advent of text shorthand. I can see its usefulness in some occasions like when a person is running late for a meeting and only has time for the fewest key strokes necessary to get the point across. Acceptable. Everyday use, not acceptable. In emails, not acceptable (especially in professional/formal/business emails). In your college papers, not acceptable! In your every day vernacular, you have got to be kidding me if I need to answer that for you.

Case and point, I recently read some papers from third graders in the NYC area. Their handwriting looked like what mine would look like if I stuck a pencil in my ass and scribbled away. EVEN THEN, my buttscratch may be better, no lie. Handwriting wasnt the issue I was addressing, text shorthand in third grade papers was. Instead of writing out the word “to” or “too” it became the number 2. Some kids even wrote sentences that were perfect and I smiled…until the end of the sentence said “LOL.” What the F are you laughing out loud about kid? Emoticon smiley faces don’t get you jobs, neither do the acronyms OMG, SMH, ROTFL. It’s all fun and games now, but wait until you’re sitting behind the cash register at Walmart placing blame on everyone else for your position in life. (I realize that not all Walmart cashiers should be lumped into this generalization, but you get my drift) Maybe you’ll think back to third grade and those buttscratch acronyms you were using.

Oh, and yes, you read that correctly. I said, “In your college papers, not acceptable!” You probably thought this was me exaggerating but you would be sadly mistaken. At University of Phoenix we work in teams which means that as team leader I must bring all the papers together to make them flow. To my surprise, text shorthand is even used here. I laughed (out loud for real) the first time I saw it because I thought I was being punked. I was not and it did not happen just once. There have been multiple occurrences with multiple people in several different classes. Simply astonishing when most of these people are within 5 years either way of 30.

The only thing that I will laugh out loud about is when a guy uses this in a message, FB status, email, or text. As a man, I will never…let me repeat myself on this one so that it is clear. I WILL NEVER USE LOL. I have refused since it became popular with tweens, I can refuse to use it the rest of my life. We actually had a discussion about this at work yesterday and I made several people in the office laugh out loud about my hatred for “laughing out loud.” Yes, I just realized that I typed LOL for a third time, but this is to prove my point and so that all you people who do use it, understand.

I pray that a woman invented this acronym. I hope for all of manly mankind’s sake that it was not a man. If so, please let him be of questionable preference so I can blame it on something else. The person that did coin it is actually a genius, but I would rather her be a girl genius. I just feel that a male is emasculated with every uttering of this term and its saddens me. But on the other hand, it sends my manliness to the moon, along with all the other men who refuse to utilize this term. TOO THE MOON!

From wikipedia: David Crystal notes that use of LOL is not necessarily genuine,[18] just as the use of smiley faces or grins is not necessarily genuine, posing the rhetorical question “How many people are actually ‘laughing out loud’ when they send LOL?”. Franzini[2] concurs, stating that there is as yet no research that has determined the percentage of people who are actually laughing out loud when they write “LOL”.

Who the hell would waste time and money on researching the percentage of people who are actually laughing out loud when they type “LOL”? I don’t have an answer for this rhetorical question, but with absolute certainty, I can say that some idiot will conduct the survey necessary to calculate such a trivial thing. I hope I am dead by then.

Look for my T-shirt line that mocks these acronyms to be available on my blog after I get off my lazy ass and do it already. I bet I sell at least 10 shirts.

  1. January 20, 2011 at 02:32

    hilarious. true. great. I think you are going to really enjoy that book when it gets to you.
    I have often worried about the future of America because of the technology stealing our youth… my worries are coming true. Kids can’t spell…. or choose not to try to spell correctly. READ A BOOK everyone jeeeze.
    Oh and I am a chick, and I reserve the right to LOL my little heart out

  2. January 20, 2011 at 10:29

    i vowed long ago to only use lol when i really am laughing out loud.
    and i secretly like it when men say lol in a text. i don’t know why.

    • January 20, 2011 at 13:25

      I only write it all out when I actually do laugh loudly into the air. If the survey was done on me alone, it would be 100% because I have integrity.

      • January 20, 2011 at 13:27

        Oh and if your hubby uses that acronym, he’s getting a neck-punch. Notice has been served.

  1. January 25, 2011 at 12:14

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