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Review: Skyline

Let me preface this review with these facts: I love SciFi movies. I enjoy “end of the world” type scenarios (on the big screen, not in real life). I like horror films that give me the creeps and I like B and C horror flicks that crack me up with horrible plots, subplots, and effects. I am a Transformers nerd. So much so I skipped work in the military the day the first one came out. And NO, I wasnt alone. I think there were 5 of us giggling like little school girls when the first Decepticon morphed. I may or may not have clapped at the end of each one of the films as well. I may also have tried tirelessly all year to get into the franchises’ final installment. DAMN!!

All this being said, the new movie Skyline (released on 12 Nov) was something that I had been craving to watch since seeing the first trailer. Mind you I also wanted to see Piranha 3D and did, but that is neither here nor there. I consider myself quite a discerning person when it comes to movies I have to pay to watch and we were SOOO close to watching this in the theater until one was made available online. If we had watched this in the theater or even rented this movie, I would have written many scathing emails and possibly visited the studio to request my money back. Its about principle people.

The first contact scene is a very interesting concept (not truly original, but a slightly new twist) and the second contact scene really evokes a feeling of helplessness and despair when seeing 1000s of people floating up to an alien craft. The scope of this scene and the sheer horror in the spectacle really does translate well to the audience, BUT, it’s all down hill from there. ALL the way down.


The light that the aliens use to lure the humans is so bright on the screen that its annoying. So annoying in fact, my roommate and I both commented on the irritating nature of this effect. We get it, the writer was trying to show the audience the intensity of the alien’s pull, but come on, tone it down. Annoying isnt even a strong enough word for this concept because it seems too light. Pissing off the audience 10 minutes into the film doesn’t bode well.

I felt that some of the alien beings were well thought out and definitely menacing, but one in particular turned the movie into an absolute laughathon. Maybe I am immature, maybe I need to get my mind out of the gutter, but this particular alien was so absurd that it ruined the entire movie for both my roommate and I. I looked for a picture of the alien in question but cannot find it online anywhere. At 1:19 in the trailer you can catch a glimpse, but Ill post a pic as soon as I can find one.

The reason I think I might be immature is because I could not get over the fact that this alien so closely resembled a woman’s genitalia. I’m not talking like I am the only one that thought this. Roomy laughed and once a picture can be found or a video clip is made available, YOU will not be able to deny the resemblance. The only thing that I can think of is that one of the creators of this being had recently taken his wife to her gyno appointment and while sitting in the waiting room playing with a vagina model, had an epiphany. I can only imagine that this is his thought stream, “So this is what IT(vagina) really looks like…interesting. Wow you can even take this model apart to see the inner workings! Ya know, we are looking for another monster in this indy film I’m working on and I seem to be formulating an idea right now. What if I add some tentacle-like legs to the backside of the cervix here, then add overly annoying blue lights to the ends of those tentacles? THEN, we can have this genitalia semi-float in the air while only being propped up on its vagina legs, kinda like a vagina-spider or an octopussy (greatest 007 movie name ever). THEN, when the alien grabs its prey, it can stuff the prey inside it self. THIS IS A GENIUS IDEA!! Steven Spielberg and George Lucas don’t have shit on me!”

Not only was his thought process troubling, but the fact that the special effects crew spent countless hours on creating this abomination gets me as well. THEN to top it all off, the producers and directors AND the studio, all allowed this alien in the final cut of the movie. I can’t be more serious in my description than I just have been. A vagina with legs that swallows up human beings by jamming them inside itself. Appalling and disturbing. We laughed out loud when the first human got pulled into this alien clam.

There really is no sense in even talking about the rest of the film because it’s all downhill from the garage scene on. To top it all off, the movie doesn’t officially end because it was meant to have a sequel which should be flushed down the toilet immediately. I knew it wasnt going to win any Oscars, I knew it wasnt highly rated, but I was just in sheer disbelief that I even finished this flick. Pick it up if only to watch one of the most ridiculous monsters ever conceived in SciFi history, cinematic history. Outrageous.

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