Home > Food for Thought > “timely check-in” – a woman’s most devastating super power

“timely check-in” – a woman’s most devastating super power


I started writing tonight about the amazing book I just finished, but then switched into a conversation with my roommate about much heavier topics. I feel like I have had an off week so far and decided to talk some of it out. Yes, I understand that its only Tuesday, but I have deviated from my routine and I have definitely had a couple curveballs thrown my way.

I’m a creature of habit. I feed off these habits, good and bad, so that I have some sort of organization in my life. I can be somewhat of a scatterbrain. Today I almost left the house without my keys or phone. If I am in the gym 4-5 times a week for a couple of weeks straight, I am stuck in the routine and feeling good about it. If I skip a week, I substitute rooting around in the fridge 10 times a night for a solid sweat. Then I veg out on the couch letting Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) creep in. I hate not being able to be outside in the sunshine. YES, I get “SAD” AND I’ll put some LBs on because I feel the need to hibernate for the winter AND I’ll probably have more drinks than I should when we go out each time. I need positive routine or I fall off the wagon and get drug through the mud for a bit. I know this about myself, yet sometimes I can’t get passed it.

12-16 hours out of my day, I feel good about what I am doing and where I am at, but sometimes I cant help but creep back down. Blame it on the weather. There really is no justification for this because I am IN FACT living a great life full of opportunities and full of the things that make me happiest. Its only when I get thrown a curveball, do I tend to rethink about how truly “happy” I am. Case and point: women have several super powers. The most devastating super power is that of the “timely check-in.”

The “timely check-in” super power.

Scenario: The break has been declared, you are “off” again, or “it’s finally over.” Time has passed since the decision was made and you are trying to pick up the pieces and get along. A substantial amount of time has gone by and the ex or significant other hasn’t graced your presence (whether by meeting, talking, texting, etc) so things are getting back to normal. That timeframe can vary for a person or situation, but let’s just say that the time frame has allowed you, the bereaved, to start accepting there is no more “us” there is only me, singular. Single me. Days go by a little easier now and the significant other doesn’t cross the mind every day. She still may come up in thought every other day or every other other day, but that’s better than it was. Sunny days are here again! Then IT happens. That late night phone call, IT. That out of the blue text, IT. That email early on Monday morning of this week when I’m at work and not expecting it, IT. It’s bold because it is Unread in my mailbox. The subject line is left blank for my interpretation, AND I was just talking to Cara about you not 10 minutes earlier. HOW THE SH!T DOES THAT HAPPEN?! Are your ears burning because I said your name? NO. Its those damned super powers.

I cant say it threw my whole week off, but it did set me back some because it got me thinking again about “things.” Things that I had come to terms with and then you say you miss me. Drive the knife home please, thanks for stopping by. That’s a little dramatic, ok A LOT dramatic, but women have this innate power to know when the ex is moving along quite nicely with a clear head….then POW! Kick in the balls, down on your knees, IM BACK to say “hi” or “I miss ya” or “been thinking about you.” Dont get me wrong, in some self-depraved, sadistic way it made me feel good that you were thinking about me. In fact it made my heart skip a beat. But now, this stirs the brain-stew inside this head-cauldron of mine and gets me thinking about “possibilities” though my realist side knows there are no “possibilities.” Ok “realist,” tell that to “hopeless romantic me” and see where it gets you. I know I’m switching tenses and persons here. Deal with it, its free association.

Because of the “timely check-in” I try to justify the other person’s thinking. Was there just a genuine need to contact or was it just to place yourself back in my thought patterns? Was it to reconnect on some level or was there an ulterior motive or were you reaching out? I don’t think that this check-in was laced with any malicious intent, but I am always on guard especially with her because this one’s different. Of course I will never know the real reason and of course I am still thinking about it more than 36 hours later. This isn’t the first time this has happened, this will definitely not be the last. I think I deal with the check-ins better now, but with this one it is hard because she holds such a special place. DAMN YOU emotional me! DAMN YOU woman super power of timely check-ins! You know just when to strike. You know how to brutally remind us that YOU, in fact, are in control of this world. Crap…

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  1. Jill
    December 15, 2010 at 18:43

    OMG! You need a drink…actually, I feel like I need a drink after reading that! hah! Are you ready for this gentlemen…as a lady, we always know the perfect time to pop back into the picture. You nailed it — it’s a power most women possess. It’s so easy to send that email/text out of nowhere to say “just wanted to say hi”, or “hope you’re doing well” or “just wanted to let you know i’m thinking of you”. Women are also good at dressing super hot and accidentally bumping into the ex. Women will do stuff like that when we think you might be 100% over us. It’s called “having the upper hand”.
    I had to comment on this as I just went through a break-up from an 8 year relationship. The ball is always in our court, Matty…hang in there! =)

    • December 15, 2010 at 22:17

      What’s funny is that I am just now hearing that this is a reciprocal trait. That both MEN and WOMEN possess super powers like this. I never would have guessed. I have never been privy to a conversation that would let me know that I IN FACT had super powers at one point. But it just seems that women are more apt or in tune with this type of thing. Whether it be subconscious or a well planned execution, you women know when to make an appearance. Depending on the situation, I wouldnt say its a bad thing. I just cant believe how many times this has happened to me over the years AND I cant believe how many people have sent me messages about this kind of occurrence in their lives. I guess we have an even pull on one another when the heart is involved, whether we know it or not. I heart DMB.

      • Jill
        December 16, 2010 at 10:03

        So true. Men do have the same power of popping up randomly. In fact, I can recall a time or two that you did this to me!! (I’m talking years ago…like 6 or 7…for those ex girlfriends reading this post.)

  2. December 15, 2010 at 20:21

    Are you listening to Dave Matthews right now?

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