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who am I?


This whole year has been a search to answer this question and I am finally getting a better grasp on what makes me tick. Most of my soul-searching has been done through self-imposed introspective evaluations of previous actions, behaviors, or through life’s general rhetorical questions. I believe I have learned a great deal thus far and am striving to continue to understand my strengths, weaknesses, and everywhere in between. I do this to hopefully become a better person; the best version of me that I can possibly be. Dont think me some clairvoyant figure, I just want to understand what makes me tick. (I must pause here. I never even knew that I had the word “clairvoyant” in my vocabulary until it flowed out onto the keypad from my fingertips. I actually thought there was no way I could be correct in its usage until I looked it up and…BAM! I was right. Where did this gem of knowledge come from? I think I lucked into this one.) Here’s the definition:
clair·voy·ant adj \-ənt\ CLAIRVOYANT
1: having clairvoyance : able to see beyond the range of ordinary perception

Through all this inward evaluation I have found some startling truths about myself, but none were so blunt until I finished a homework assessment for my Organizational Behaviors class. The assignment was to take the DISC Platinum Rule Assessment which breaks behaviors into four all-encompassing styles: Dominance, Interactive, Steadiness, and Cautious styles. Dr. Tony Alessandra found that all people fall into one of these four styles. He further segments each style into four subcategories to truly define the individual taking the assessment.

After reading my full assessment, all 41 pages of it, I am absolutely astounded at the accuracy and brutal honesty of its depiction of my persona. Some parts caused me to laugh because statements like “Their (speaking of my categorization as an ‘Interactive Enthusiast’) primary weaknesses are getting involved in too many things, impatience and their short attention span, which causes them to become bored easily.” (I have never been diagnosed with ADD, promise. What was I talking about again?) Another one that made me laugh was this; “Interactive styles are true entertainers. They love an audience and thrive on involvement with people.” The one that really got me was this statement. “Interactive styles design and use their space in a disorganized and cluttered manner; however, they know if something is missing.” HA, HA-fricking, HA! Every time, for all of my life, when I clean my room, I lose something! My mom can vouch for me on this. I used that excuse all the time; “I don’t want to clean my room, I know where everything is!”

Other parts caused me to step back and examine the motives behind my actions. “In general, Interactive styles are stimulated by the positive response they elicit from others – applause, laughter, compliments, or other acknowledgments. This explains their ‘it’s show time’ behavior. Their theme in life could well be ‘let me entertain you.’ Their need for recognition explains their highs and lows. When recognition is not present, they lose their energy and interest. Among athletes and other professional performers, Interactive Styles feel that ‘it’s not just whether you win or lose – it’s actually how you LOOK to others while you play the game.’ ” That one was pretty hurtful, but as I step outside myself, I can see it…as painful as it is for me to admit.

This 41 page assessment accurately portrays the inner workings of my personality in relation to other people and in terms of business. Both of which I need to fully understand more intimately if I am ever to become a successful leader in business or the friend I strive to be to those I hold dear. If you ever wanted to know what makes me, Matt Colvin, tick; here it is in its most brutally honest of forms. I could never have delved as deep or been as honest as this report has been for fear of having to admit the deep, underlying flaws in my character. It’s a lot to digest, but I cant help but think how accurately it paints me. Some good, some bad, but all true. YIKES!

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