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I miss you...

Excerpt from my bus ride ramblings:

One year for Christmas my brother and I asked for a Nintendo. The original Nintendo, that’s how long ago this was. On Christmas Brandon and I were greeted with said Nintendo. We played Super Mario Bros all damn day and night and into next morning. Delirious from lack of sleep and with thumbs swollen from too much button pushing, we wearily fell asleep. The next morning, December 26th, a little more than 24 hours since we had acquired our amazing gaming system, we found out that our Nintendo was gone. GONE! No not stolen during the 3 hours of sleep we might have had, but taken away. Apparently a woman that liked my father had bought the Nintendo to impress him and win us over. Sometime during those 24 hours when we were playing our little hearts out, she decided she had made a mistake in giving the game to us. The beach came over and took it from us. She said it wasn’t working out with dad and took our F@ck!n& Nintendo!! WHO DOES THAT? WHOOOOO does that to little kids?!!?

I hope you are reading this Nintendo Indian-giver lady and I hope you are ashamed. Think about how scarred I am from this to have it come up 20 years later in my life and in multiple drunken conversations when I told my friends AND complete strangers about what a beach you are. The laughing that ensued echoes in my mind forever. Im glad people could find satisfaction in my pain, the pain you caused me. I don’t know your name, but I wish I did so I could do the same to you.

I would plan to meet you in the grocery store as we both reached for a bottle of Women’s One-a-Day or Centrum Silver. We would share a small awkward laugh and sheepishly I would allow you to take the bottle. I would explain that I was getting the bottle for my mom and then tell you that there is no way that bottle is for you because you don’t look a day over 40. You giggle and blush using your liver spotted hands to cover your dentures. This gets your blood pumping a little harder as you think, “could he really be complimenting me? Is he hitting on me?” I’ll do you one better lady, I’ll even ask you out for a coffee. The coffee would lead to witty banter on my part and you would look like a deer in the headlights as you marveled over the fact that a strapping young man could want anything to do with an old bag like you. To take it even further, I would pull a page from the Will Ferrell Classic Anchorman. I would take you out for a nice seafood dinner, then NEVER CALL YOU AGAIN! I look forward to our chance encounter in the pharmaceutical aisle. I’ll grab the Boniva, you grab the Metamucil and we’ll hang out, I swear. Ill call you, promise…

  1. Alexandra
    April 2, 2011 at 16:31

    However old you are, dont you think you have more to do than focus on your stolen nintendo???

    • May 3, 2011 at 23:31

      I found this comment hilarious. Thanks because I needed a laugh. I’m 30 silly, but it’s a story I will never forget.

  1. November 29, 2010 at 09:51

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