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set the record straight

I found out last night that my mom reads my blogs. I was never sure until that moment. She never comments whether online or in person until last night.

I wrote about some of my other “moms” on mothers day and just wanted to set the record straight. This isn’t for readers or me, it’s for you mom so you know how I feel…

My mom is one of the strongest women I will ever meet. I don’t know what it’s like to make a decision like they did when I was 8, the decision to divorce. How crushing of a blow it must be to fall out of love and then have to figure out how to go on with two kids in tow ALL while making life seem as normal as possible along the way. I know it took a huge toll on my mother and I feel like I heard my mom cry more than any son should. But dont take that crying as a sign of weakness. No, it was merely a woman in the throws of release when the day was just too long. Letting go of a stressful day when she had been working too hard for way to little in return.

She did al she could to maintain our lifestyle. Picking up food wherever we could from local church groups and the like. I remember Brandon and I being so SO excited to see real sugary cereal. I remember mom cleaning the pool so we could have the one thing that many of the neighbor kids didnt. That pool was such a burden on her, yet she did everything possible to keep it open for us to have some summer fun. She always took pride in our house. Pulling weeds and working in her gardens. She’s a farm girl and you can tell it sometimes. She’s strong minded and strong hearted and isnt afraid to get her hands dirty. Making due with two bad boys who couldnt stay still or stop picking on one another. You did the best with you could with what life handed you. So what we didnt have the Corvette anymore. So what our clothes werent the coolest in school, though my neon shark shorts always come to mind. So what we ate an abnormally large amount of boiled hotdogs. So what? That doesn’t change the fact that we did have a roof over our heads. The roof you helped build and the place that we grew up in. The place that houses so many of our memories like throwing Godzilla across the room and it chipping the wall near the bottom of the stairs. Brandon at the top of those same stairs crying bc I told him he was adopted. Crazy animal drawings and booger paintings. That crazy ass clown picture that you insisted on having in our rooms and is still the reason why I hate clowns. Many happy Christmases with the BIGGEST tree on the block even if there weren’t a million presents under it. Through all this crap, through all the divide that occurred in my young life, I never truly blamed you. It was the situation. The unthinkable thrust on a happy family and YOU made due. We made due. I think I turned out pretty well and B is a loving kid that is finding his way in life. We are healthy and smiling. All this comes from the reflection that I have had in the past couple days.

Dont ever doubt my feelings for you, I love every part of you. I am thankful for our upbringing because it made me stronger. It made me who I am. I know how to pull out a chair or open a door for a woman bc of you. I am in touch with most of my feelings bc of you and not ashamed to cry whether they are tears of sorrow or joy. I have a great sense of humor and laugh as much as I can. All this is bc of how you raised me. Dont EVER doubt that I recognize these things.

I write to convey my feelings, I write to express what I cant rationalize totally in my head. I write with emotions that I cant normally express and one angsty post would never change the fact that you are my mother and that I love you. I cant take away the bad times, I cant help but feel them, but just bc I wrote about it once, doesnt mean that it consumes my thoughts or you should ever apologize. You did great, you did amazing. Im me because of you. I hope you read this and feel its sincerity. Quit crying at work. Love You.

Categories: My Everyday Life Tags: ,
  1. "M"
    October 27, 2010 at 16:16

    Thank you 🙂 I love you unconditionally with all my heart and soul. “M”

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