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make it a four loko night

the real Crunk Juice, YEEYAAA!

Last week I got my first experience of Four Loko. For those that don’t know Four Loko (Click here for the Four Loko site or here for their Facebook) is a brand of caffeinated/malt liquor that some of the lifeguards down here recently discovered. I kept hearing about how crazy these things were so Campbell and I went on a road trip to a liquor emporium in Wall to find these interesting dranks. We each grabbed three of the 12% alcohol tall boys and looked forward to a loopy night.

We rolled back to the ‘Squan house and cracked those cans. The first one I had was the watermelon flavored and I had to say it wasnt too bad. The first couple sips were unlike anything I had tasted before. I can’t say it was bad, I can’t say it was good, but I modeled through it. (That is a Tyra Banks reference that my boy Tiny Dancer broke out when I was in the military) The second can didn’t go down so easy and I bowed out at about half. Campbell and I finished off that third can and went out for the night. Gotta say, it’s a blur of craziness because this drink gets you pumped like a couple of cans of Monster Energy drink would mixed in with some MALT LIQUOR!

I could feel the rush in just a couple of minutes and it kept us going into the early hours of the morning. I have never had a feeling like I did with one of these things, well actually 2.5. I’m not sure how to describe what a night on these things is like. It definitely makes for a cheap date night. $1.99 to get crunk is a STUPENDOUS deal! If you have two, which is super adventurous, you only spend $3.98, WHAT!??! Yeah it’s really like that. I’m not sure if I will ever go hard on Four Loko again like that first night, but I figured dive in head first or not at all. Theses definitely can pick up any bleak night, so have some on reserve for when your buddy is looking to sit on the couch and watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Pop one of these in his lap and tell him to sack up. Challenge him to a chugging contest and be excited for a night you wont remember.

Bub tried one the other day and quit after half of a tall boy. That’s still a big feat and in no way I’m I clowning him, but after that half can, he looked over and said he felt a rush just shoot through his body. His pretty little face turned red and had to stand up to walk off the rush. Four Loko strikes again.

There are 9 flavors and more being added all the time. I have only experienced 4 types of the 9 variety but here is how they rate in my book.

Watermelon – is the best one I have had. Its kind of like those sour/sweet watermelon gummy candies(like sour patch kids) I used to get at Valley Little League infused with Steel Reserve malt liquor
Lemonade – is second best in my book, with a little tang on the aftertaste. Put a little sweet tea vodka in it to make an Arny Palmer on crack.
Grape/Fruit Punch – In general I don’t like either of these flavors whether I’m talking Four Loko or if its KoolAid. I was only given grape jelly as a kid with no strawberry allowed so I turned against grapes as a manufactured flavor. Fruit punch was the same way. I always had red stained lips and now I refuse fruit punch as a whole. To me these tasted like cough syrup flavors but several of the others in the crew really liked them. Maybe with a mix of some other drinks they could be acceptable in my book, but I definitely wont be drinking them on the reg.

If you’re thinking about making it a Four Loko night, use the locator on their site.

For all my Hobokenites, there are four locations in town, check it:

OTTOMANELLI 422 MONROE ST (201) 656-7700
WESTSIDE WINE and LIQUOR 301 JACKSON ST (201) 420-9262

Youre welcome

  1. September 2, 2010 at 10:23

    same here with the grape jelly!
    that, and rice krispies were my only cereal. Bo-ring!

  1. August 31, 2010 at 20:19

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