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hair today, gone tomorrow

Looking in the mirror today I started really noticing my hair, or I should rephrase that, the steady retreat of my hair from my forehead to the back of my head. Im not sure if my hair is afraid of me, I dont know if it just got tired of my face or is ashamed, but its slow backpeddling has made me think I have done it wrong somewhere along the line. If only we could talk this out before it gets to serious and escalates. If only I could say those magic words to heal our bond and make things go back to normal. But alas, I know this is a pipe dream. He doesnt want to talk to me, he doesnt want to reconcile. My relationship with my hair is fading fast, literally, and with every shower I see us being pulled apart. I watch you wiggle down my body, over my toes and swirl down the drain before finally leaving my sight. Each time this happens, I feel more alone.

If we could talk, it might go something like this. “Hi Hair, how’s it going? Yeah, me too. So, the reason I wanted to talk to you is because I am getting the sense something is wrong between us. You are just feeling more distant lately and its starting to become more noticeable. Did I do something wrong? Did I use the last of the TP and forget to put out another roll? Did I use the last bit of milk, but you didnt notice before you poured your bowl of cereal this morning? Should I have knocked louder when I came into the room the other day and you were having alone-time? What is it? I dont like this feeling that we are falling further apart. Its actually not even a ‘feeling’ so much as I have to watch you flitter down the drain each day. What can I do to mend this? Rogaine? I bought it once, even took it home with the intention of using it, but after reading the directions, I didnt think it was for us. Obviously I was wrong. Should I call Bosley from the TV commercials? Those guys always look so happy when they are swimming, playing tennis, and having hot cougars pull on THEIR hair. Is that what you want, a hot cougar to pull on you? I might be able to arrange for that, but you have to communicate with me. This should be a two way conversation, not just my side. Why wont you speak to me!? Why wont you talk? I feel like this is going nowhere fast and that you will just be gone soon. If that’s the case and you dont want to work this, just leave!! I dont need you! I saw this really great ghetto weave store in the Newport Mall in Jersey City a couple weeks back. Maybe Ill roll in there and get me something fresh and you can be on your way. Wait, wait, I didnt mean that. I am just upset and in the heat of the moment sometimes I say brash things. Ill do whatever it takes to make this right. I hope you know that. Besides, I have a really large, odd shaped head without you around. I think its because mom didnt rotate me enough as a baby kinda like those weird tomatoes you find at the bottom of the stack. That’s something I will have to take up with mom, but I just wanted you to know. I hope you decide to stay.”

I dont know too many people that actually play these types of scenarios out in their heads, but this type of thing happens to me all the time. I have a super vivid imagination that cant be controlled all the time and when I actually put it to paper, I tend to scare myself. Kind of like right now. Dont think me too strange, its just how it played out in my head. I even saw me and a toupe actually arguing. I was yelling the the toupe, wearing one of those glasses with a nose and mustaches attached, was crying and throwing dishes out of the cupboard as we argue. Then in a fit of rage he storms out and slams the door. Visual enough for you. This type of sh!t is an everyday occurrence for me. Maybe I should see a shrink.

Either way, I think my forehead my be classified as a 5head now. I have a friend who has a 3head because hers is so tiny, I have another friend who is blessed with beautiful locks and a 5head, so I am wondering where I fit in. Definitely no 3head, but Im at least a 4.5head progressing to a full fledged 5. The great recession is upon me and instead of losing money or a job, Im losing the one thing I can never get back, my chance at landing a pretty broad. I hope this mop decides to last me one more summer. I officially have 3 months until I have to start shaving my head. The count down begins on Memorial Day. Please pray for me, I mean us

Categories: My Everyday Life, Pics Tags: , , ,
  1. May 18, 2010 at 08:40

    too funny!!!!

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