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the handsome lumberjack


Last night we decided to try something a little different and venture out of our comfort zone, that comfort zone being Washington from 8th down. So to be different we went uptown to Madisons on 14th. I had never been in there prior to last night because I either didnt have a collar on at the time or the line was down the block. My first experience was a good one and I think that it could be a more common spot for sure. The scene was older and the crowd seemed at ease, not a glimpse of drama all night.

To start the night Liam, Bub and I went to happy hour at Texas Arizona for $2 drafts. We sat around, watched the Lebron crush the Celtics all by himself and had some dinner. From TXAZ we went back home to clean up and prep for the rest of the night. Showered and smelling right, I put on a red and gray button down that might be misconstrued for a flannel. Its a Volcom summer weight button down, but to my surprise I apparently looked like a lumberjack. Liam and Bub might have been thinking this, but they never let me know if they were. I actually heard this from an older woman at Madisons who had to be mid forties. She bumped into me, said she was sorry as she turned around and immediately giggled. In the midst of her giggling, she found the breath to say, “Im sorry for bumping into you Mr. Lumberjack.” I was taken back from this statement and knew that I starred at her in awe. I dont get offended easily and this wasnt one of those cases either, but I just didnt have a response.

Since I have ADD, my thought stream immediately went to the scene in Step Brothers where Will Ferrell kicks in the door as a lumberjack to take his prize. I almost peed myself at the thought. Here it is for your viewing pleasure in case you have no idea what I am talking about.

She quickly comes back with, “It’s the whole ensemble. Your shirt, the beard, it makes me think that you might live in the woods chopping down trees. Dont get me wrong, you are a handsome lumberjack, but that’s just what came to mind.” At this point, I feel like this is some sort of dream and I cant help but laugh at what this woman is rambling on about. From out of left field, Liam chimes in with, “yeah, he has his axe in the car to chop up wood and women. Wanna go for a ride?” If you dont know Liam, this might be slightly creepy, but when said with that Irish grin, you cant beat his comedic timing. She is thoroughly surprised and we cant stop rolling. I told her that I didnt cut up women, but that I did cut 100 foot cedars with only my hands. I also eat nails and do other super manly things all day every day. She laughed, put her cougar paw on me and tried to whisper sweet nothings in my ear but the music was too loud. I didnt care for her to repeat her futile attempt at a pickup because this whole situation had gone far enough.

I laughed, thanked her for her honesty and pointed her in the direction of the pharmacy where she could get her osteoporosis pills. Calcium can also be found in milk ladies. There’s your health tip of the day from Dr. Colvin.

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