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cinco de mayo


This is a day to celebrate Mexican independence. A day for Mexi-cants to be Mexi-cans! (that’s a line from the movie “From Dusk til Dawn” so dont come at me) Or is this day an excuse for white people to drink margaritas with salt, shoot crappy cuervo, eat mexican food and just revel in ponchos and dirty Sanchez Mustaches? I pose this question to the world.

Are we as Americans just adopting another holiday as our own to benefit ourselves? I think so, and I think you think so too. Does anyone out there partying know the story behind today? I am not trying to be self righteous because I didnt either. Let me drop some knowledge on you so that you can feel better as you go out today.

History lesson:
Cinco de Mayo celebrates Mexico’s independence, marked by General Ignacio Zaragoza defeating the French at Puebla in 1862. After having already shrugged off European rule by the Spanish, Mexico wasn’t having any more of a European foothold in their land. Cinco de Mayo celebrates the nation’s resolve towards independence.

Today Coronas are on sale for crazy cheap. Today, Hoboken Taco Truck probably sold out. Cuervo consumption goes up by 300% according to tequilameter.com. More people are wearing mustaches today than the entire winter in the Northwest or in Brooklyn for that matter. How many douchebags have maracas in their pockets and are just waiting for the right time to unleash the swishing sound? Oh how I hate mariachi music and the squeals of ARRIBA it brings forth, but is that all we think about today? I believe so. I believe that everyone celebrating is looking for an excuse to just celebrate and that, my friends, is the AMERICAN way. The way we likes to get down. Drink on fellow sombrero rockers. I will see you after Crossfit. (if you looked up tequilameter.com, Im sorry, I made that up buts its good huh?)

Look at it in all its glory!

…but is that all we think about during today? (this is the question I rhetorically asked only 3 lines above) This was my actual thought while writing this entire post. Cinco de “Mayo” would be a clever marketing campaign for Hellmans Mayonnaise against Miracle Whip. Think about it. Miracle Whip doesnt have a day it could claim as its own, but “Mayo” does! Cant you just see the poncho/sombrero wearing guy rolling in on a donkey. So thirsty and hungry from a hard day’s work. Sitting down to a Corona and lime at what appears to be a taco stand. BUT in fact its a NY Deli and the deli man hands him a ham sandwich with MAYO on it. The camera closes in on the MAYO for dramatic effect, then fade to black. “Cinco de ‘Mayo’, Miracle Whip doesnt have its own holiday.”

Maybe its only a good idea in my head.

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