Home > Food for Thought > How well do you know you?

How well do you know you?

Better question, how well do I know me? Im not sure.

Recently I have been dissecting myself in light of the way my life is going. I dont have a bad life, just an imperfect one, like everyone else. Im not looking for a pity party here or really even complaining. Its just given me cause for reflection is all. While reflecting, one of the things that I have truly come to notice most is my physiological response to stimuli. Many of you probably think I am just trying to use big words and that I may have actually looked up these terms, but lest you forget, I am nearly a genius…Just several points shy.

Lately, Ive been spending a lot of time in my head playing out “what if” scenarios. Not sure that’s the healthiest thing for me to be doing, but I am working on myself in other ways to compensate. New gym, new eating habits, less alcohol in my life, more friends, but still way too much damn time to just think. I have done a lot to stay engaged and keep my mind active, but I always seem to drift back when things wind down. Hindsight is always 20/20 I know, but in general why do people put themselves through this kind of misery. Is it to know that you can still feel something or are we just gluttons for punishment? Why do we dwell on the past when we need to look ahead to the future? What about us as humans makes us relive memories over and over even when they arent the things that we need to be thinking about? How dark can it get before a light breaks through? All these kinds of thoughts have made me really take notice to how my body reacts when presented with a certain situation.

How a good workout clears away all the extraneous and allows you to simply breath. The feeling of a real sweat and pushing your body to the limit. Its definitely good for clarity. I wish I could workout all day, but I dont want to look like a meathead.

Like how a whiskey sipper on an empty stomach truly effects me. First the smell activates the lungs and gives a quick jolt of energy. The taste is smooth at first and heats up as it flows from tongue to throat and into the stomach. The slight tingle as your blood receives the drink, it seems to warm and finally the noticing of a mood change. Its really quite interesting to me.

Another instance. How seeing a picture of someone can make your heart sink while simultaneously set it on fire. The tingling response when you realize you might be a fleeting memory. How hard a heart can pump from only three words. How numb you can feel when you realize you may have missed your chance. How exciting the first kiss was and how sure you are that things will play out with all the best for everyone. Finally, how intense these feelings can be when they all come in a single breath. The emotional roller coaster is invigorating and crushing all at once.

Its very surprising to me, these feelings, and actually noticing them. I always thought that I had a good grasp on myself. I felt like I have been true to me in almost every instance, but never really stopped to absorb HOW these feelings were being felt. I consider myself to be sensitive and in touch with who I am, but obviously not on this level because feelings almost seem new and more powerful. It seems so much better to REALLY be in tune with yourself. I feel like I have been walking around blind for a while and that these last few months have really lead me to explore how my feelings play into everything that I am. Now I can really see why a person can be more physically tired after a hard mental day than after a hard day’s labor. Its just as trying to have your mind racing as it is making your muscles burn.

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