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toe socks

Dr Seuss vomited on these poor people's feet

Ever seen these things? Toe socks that is.

First, let me explain that I hate feet. Always have and always will. They creep me out. Any shape, any size, any style…I hate em. I hate my own feet. I have Flintstone feet. You know, the fat, bulbous ones that push around rock cars for Mr. Slate. Im not sure exactly where this stems from, but I know that sometimes they actually give me chills. If the world were a better place, everyone would have sock feet. You know, no toes, just feet with socks always on.

TOE SOCKS! Who the hell would invent this type of craziness?!? This was kind of a rhetorical question, but I decided to look it up on the web. No information was found on the inventor of toe socks, FYI. Obviously this was someone who decided gloves for your feet were necessary. Someone who could maybe use their toes like fingers, something like a chimp does. Picking things up with your toes is disgusting. Want to know what’s worse than that. Dating a girl for a couple months, then really taking notice to her feet. I mean, let’s be honest here. I didnt even know what her face looked like until a couple of days into us hanging out. These things were gross, like out of Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigalow. The part where Rob Schneider is rubbing lotion on that big ass foot and his fingers are actually able to run between that dude’s toes. Im dry heaving as I write this. Yeah, hers were like that and she thought it funny to pinch me with her finger toes after finding out how much I hated feet. What kind of person torments another like this. Needless to say, I dated her for 9 more months. Definitely dont know what I was thinking on that one.

I digressed big time on that one. What a tangent that was, huh? Anyway, “Who the hell would invent this type of craziness?!?” I am sure that he/she made some money, but I wish that they would have thought about the horror that they caused for people who suffer from Porphyrophobia like me. Porphyrophobia is the fear of feet for those that didnt know.

A person actually sat down and thought, “Man, I wish I could wiggle my toes freely while still wearing my socks.” Then POOF! Toe socks were born. And now they haunt my dreams. Thanks BUTTHOLE!

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